Lifestyle

Why Are You So Obsessed With My Weight?

By La Shell Reid Hoilett

Why Are You So Obsessed With My Weight

I swear, there is nothing more in this life that people will remind you of on a daily basis than your weight. Lemme tell you, we as a society are OBSESSED with weight. For some strange reason, we feel that we NEED to let people know when their bodies have changed. Because you know, they themselves don’t know.

I remember a few years ago, I caught a bad case of the Dengue Fever and lost a significant amount of weight. One co-worker came up to me and said “listen, whatever you’re doing, you’ve reached your goal, it’s time to stop”. Another one said “girl, when I was your size, in order to gain some weight, I would eat an entire cake over the course of a couple days”. I can laugh at these things now, but it never occurred to any of these people that this was not my own doing. I wasn’t deathly thin because I wanted to be.

Moving on a little. After lots of work and healthy eating, I reached my ideal weight of 127 pounds and life was nice. Then I moved (four times in three years), couldn’t find a gym I cared to join, picked up running and dropped it, met my husband, was no longer an on-a-tight-budget grad student, ate pretty much how and what I felt like, and as a result I gained ten (10) pounds.

Well let me tell you! No one let me forget it. Ok that’s an exaggeration, but you get the gist of what I’m saying. In the beginning, this really, REALLY bothered me. I wanted to punch everyone in the face who made a comment about my body.

One woman said “listen, just don’t get too fat”, another said “You know, when you just came to work here, you were so TINY!”. People, I hope you’re understanding what I’m saying. I gained 10 pounds, which means I weighed 137 pounds. That is in no means overweight but everyone kept making me feel that way. Even family members. It was hurtful. Very painful I would say.

I would get SO angry because I could not figure out for the life of me, what good could possibly come from statements and conversations like these. Really, what do you hope to achieve? If you’re not telling me out of sheer concern for my well being, then what is your point? What is your objective?

I have never in my life, made a comment to someone about their weight. You never know what is going on in someone’s life, you never know the cause. These things can cause hurt, it affects self esteem and confidence, it makes people feel worse about themselves in a world that already screams you’re not good enough.

What I’ve realized though, is that you can’t control what people do. Try as you might, you can only control what you do and who you are. Once upon a time I was a fitness buff. I exercised seven times a week. Did spin classes, aerobics, yoga, pilates, weight training and on and on, every single day. I ate only steamed veggies and aspired to be a body builder (yes, me) and I had the body that living that type of life gives. But guess what? There was always something that still needed fixing. Whether it was toner legs, a flatter stomach, a smaller waist, there was always something. Even though I had the body of my dreams. I was never satisfied. Life is just weird like that.

Fast forward to now. I am truly happy in the skin I’m in. Yes I get a little depressed when I need to take 100 pics in a bikini before I can get one good one, yes I hate my choofy arms, yes I continue to not like my chubby cheeks, but I am living the life I want to live. I know what I need to do to get back to 127, if I want to be back at 127. But now my focus is to be healthy, not thin. Being healthy for me means that my mind has to be in tune with my body. Eating well, exercise, meditation and peace of mind is the basis on which I am working on to remain a healthy human being.

People will continue to comment, I will continue to feel a tad insecure as most humans do, but life will go on, and I intend to be happy in it. I love sugar, pasta and a good lifetime movie. That could be a recipe for disaster, but everything in moderation is key.

People’s comments just don’t bother me anymore. Gone are the days where I needed the perfect bikini shot for instagram, now my main concern is where I’d be traveling to next, and building a beautiful life with my new husband.

As we Trinbagonians like to say, take my stupid advice. When you notice something about someone, unless your motive is to be positive or to help, please keep your thoughts to yourself. There is nothing to come from it if what you are saying is not coming from a good place.

We as humans already have so much to deal with. You never know what battle people are fighting. And trust me when I say, that whatever you are noticing about someone, be it weight gain/loss, hair loss and so on, you better believe that they already know about it! THEY KNOW! They don’t need another voice shouting it out at them. Instead, if you must ask something, if you really are concerned, start with a simple how are you? how’s life been treating you?

Before you say something, ask yourself this: is it helpful, is it true, is it relevant? If you get a no to any of these, then don’t say anything.

Have you had any of these experiences? Do share!

….and thanks for stopping by!

P.S ~ 30’s Living, How Does It Feel? & When Friendships Fade

 



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  Comments: 35

35 responses to “Why Are You So Obsessed With My Weight?”

  1. Akshay Naik says:

    This is really an Awesome and informative post!

    I Just Loved it.
    Thanks once again

  2. Nicole Green says:

    You’re completely right; for whatever reason our society finds it acceptable to make comments about weight and appearance when it really isn’t something that we should comment on. Love that you shared the story of the comments you heard when you got sick. I went to high school with a girl that recently started having issues with her thyroid and she mentioned that she’s received so many comments about her weight gain from “when are you going to start working out” to “are you expecting”, etc.

  3. Joleen Pete says:

    Great post, I hate that our society is so weight obsessed and feels that anyone can comment on YOUR business.

  4. Esse D says:

    The obsession with weight is annoying! I’m a smaller framed person and people have been really comfortable telling me that I need to gain weight. I get so annoyed with people.

  5. Yes indeed! Honey, we can never satisfy the people. Too many of them with different opinions. And yes, we are quick to judge each other. I’m a slender woman and people tell me all the time I need to gain weight or at least grow a booty. Ha! I’m 50+ and I don’t think I’m going to gain much weight or get that spread they all say I need. We can’t waste our time trying to please everyone. Be yourself!

  6. Gail says:

    People are always going to talk no matter what it is. We don’t realize how hurtful how comments can be because we’re only seeing it from our point of view. I say be happy in the skin you’re in! Great post babe.

  7. So very true. We should keep such opinions to ourselves. I hear so many comments after my c-section, it literally makes me mental!

  8. So much truth here, unfortunately. I am with you…healthy not thin is also my goal! People cant help themselves….self confidence is the most beautiful trait a person can have! Love the skin your in! 😀

  9. I hope that more people are coming around and snapping into reality when it comes to obsessing over weight. It really doesn’t matter. I mean if we think about what is truly important in life. Friends, family, memories, travel, growth. None of that comes from our weight. And the craziest thing is no one is happy with their weight. It is not something that ever goes away. So if you would reach that goal weight you would still be likely to be unhappy. I think you have found the key to not feeding that negative feeling any further and embracing who you are. It is a personal journey that no doubt enriched your life for the better and will feed your soul everyday!

  10. Marie says:

    I agree with you but i wish i could get over that and focus more on being healthy instead of being skinny. But then again, these 2 things come hand in hand

  11. I agree! I think that because our society has normalized weight conversation people feel too comfortable discussing weight. This makes people feel insecure and more concerned with their weight than they have to be. Thanks for this post!

  12. I thought this was just a Bajan thing . I have no idea why society is so obssesed with looks in partcular weight. I say as long as you are happy , healthy to heck with opinions .

  13. Justine says:

    I can so relate. I think once the focus shifts to being healthy instead of skinny, an ideal becomes more attainable. Great read!

  14. This. A million times over. Thank you.

  15. Bryan Carey says:

    Yes, people do often make inappropriate comments about other’s weight. It is because, as a society, we are obsessed with the issue. We hear about weight and health all the time, we see ads for diet pills, we get invitations to join gyms, and on and on. It’s no wonder that people talk about it with such frequency, often in a judgmental tone. I don’t see the tendency to talk about other’s weight going away any time soon- it won’t go away until we stop obsessing about it and businesses stop pushing the issue.

  16. Great post and so true! It’s even more annoying that most of the time people who make these comments to us are not friends. They’re not close. They have no business saying anything other than simple pleasantries. Continue being you–you are beautiful and I love your writing–your spirit shows through with your words!

  17. Amy says:

    This is a great post. I think as women, we’re conditioned to kind of ignore the comments about weight, and even welcome them (when they’re positive). It’s so weird that people think it’s any of their business.

  18. Matt says:

    Lovely article, thank you 🙂

  19. Joan Cajic says:

    I really needed this, I also get irritated when there are so many things people could talk about but they choose to either pick on you and start scrutinising every single bit of you. It’s reached a point nowadays where I don’t hold back and tell them to just shut it if they have nothing better to say.

  20. Stephanie says:

    I LOVE this post! Focusing on being healthy is a great place to put your energy 🙂

  21. I really enjoyed reading this! Especially as women we are obsessed with our weight. I actually became obsessed with managing my weight that ended up taking a toll on my social life as I alienated myself away from my friends and family. Ultimately I was unhappy, yet at my ideal weight. I passed that stage in my life and I am confident with who I am no matter what weight! As long as you take care of yourself!

  22. LJ says:

    I knew as soon as I saw the title I would relate. As a competitive bodybuilder, when I diet down (for a purpose and in a healthy manner) people are concerned. They are also not afraid to tell me when I have put on a few lbs! I’m happy with both looks but still struggle. Some day I will say I am 100% comfortable in my own skin. Kudos to you!

  23. By commenting on someones weight we are basically advising them on what WE think they should look like. That’s none of our business! lol If people could just mind their own and be happy for other peoples individuality it would be so much better. <3

    • I agree. The thing is, if it’s a close friend or family member who genuinely feels that something is wrong, and asks on that tangent, I have no issues with it. But sometimes it’s people who you don’t speak to regularly as another commenter said. It’s sad really.

  24. You go girl! This was awesome xx

  25. Ray says:

    I completely agree with you! It’s so sad that the discussion of weight has become so normal.

  26. Erin says:

    Love this! It happens all to often and people do not realiaze the effect of their words. Often times, they seem to be well meaning, but weight should not be such a conversation topic! Loved how you ended it with the charge to consider your words before speaking. Great post! Thanks so much!

  27. Shiv naik says:

    Awesome post so true thanks for sharing ❤

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