Lifestyle, One Pot Living

When Friendships Fade

By La Shell Reid Hoilett

When friendships fade

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that friendships come and go. And there is nothing you can do about it. It’s sad really, but like almost everything else, there is a cycle to it, and some of them don’t make it full circle.

Being a friend means different things to different people, and for me it means someone I know I can always count on to be a listening ear. Someone I can trust and depend on. I don’t need much really. I don’t need to chat everyday, to go out every weekend, to go on trips together. Although that would be nice, it’s not a prerequisite for being a friend. Hell, some of my best friends, I see mayyyyyybe once a year. Talk on the phone maybe once every couple weeks, but it works for us and our relationships are strong.

I have friends who are great for a night out, those I can go to concerts, tea parties and book readings with and those who I can spill the bearings of my soul to. These are all different people, but friends nonetheless and all equally loved.

With this however, I expect that we share some aspect of our lives with each other. Sure, not everything warrants a conversation. Of course there are some things that we hold close to us, that is not anyone else’s business and that we choose not to share with another person, but it’ll be nice to know that we can share some things.

When friendships fade

 

I have had long term friendships that ended up being in a state where the same questions were being asked an answered every time, with one person making the arrangements to see each other, with just no substance. In the end, it felt as though we were pretending to have something that no longer existed. Talking about it can be painful and confusing, but trust me when I say nothing feels better than getting things out in the open and hearing what each others’ thoughts are. You’d be surprised at what others harbor inside and hold against you. Alot of it being miscommunications and misinterpretations, but nonetheless, things that hurt the relationship.

I struggled with the loss of certain friendships. I was never one to hold on to people, but there are some, who, after leaving my life, I missed. Although the loss of a friend can be extremely painful, there is always something to be learned. I learned a few things over time which helped me to make sense of and deal with the friends I’d lost.

I learned that people can only give you so much, all of the time. Everyone is fighting their own battle and it so happens that when you are fighting yours, they are also fighting theirs. It simply means that we need to manage our expectations of our friends. Understand that we are all human beings and we all relate differently to things. The ability to value what people can offer in a friendship is important and necessary for it to thrive.

Likewise, you can only give what you have. Friendships should not feel like a burden to you. Like all other relationships, it should be beneficial to all parties involved. I’ve had friendships where I couldn’t get a word in. It was always about them. Their triumphs, their issues, their life. This drained me and inevitably strained our relationship.

I now look at friendships in a totally new light and approach them differently.  In the end, we can only relish in the good times we share with our friends. Even if they are no longer in our lives, it doesn’t mean that we need to forget them. The love can still remain and the memories kept close to our hearts.

 

How have you dealt with friendships that seem to be fading?

Thanks for stopping by!

P.S ~ 5 Things Wedding Planning Taught Me & Did You Change Your Last Name?

Photos by Stocksnap & Pixabay

You may also enjoy:


  Comments: 19

19 responses to “When Friendships Fade”

  1. Lauren says:

    Totally. I still wish some of my friendships worked out 🙁

  2. Some of my friendships have faded over the years, but I learned some people aren’t meant to always be there. I also recently reprioritized, and if I am going to spend time away from my family to be with friends it needs be a two-sided friendship of value, not shallow conversation. Great post.

  3. I couldn’t agree more! Just because a friendship is over doesn’t mean we have to pretend it never existed, or pretend it was all bad. We can relish the good times and move on.

  4. I believe that keeping friendship and brotherhood will get blessing to come, so let’s get rid of thinking to end a friendship

  5. Nicole says:

    Yes! I totally get this! I feel like the transition to the world of adulthood friends vs. childhood friends has been extremely challenging. I’m very lucky to count my sisters as best friends, but I also have childhood best friends that have a close place in my heart to a sister. However, with one of them, the friendship seems forced and one-sided as you were talking about. Thanks for sharing!

  6. Danielle says:

    Thank you for this post, it definitely resonated with me!

  7. This really speaks to me. I actually lost my best friend of 18 years after I found out she was talking bad behind my back ! I cannot tell you the hurt I felt and although I do miss our times, I’m so over the fakeness. It’s truly sad to see friendships die. 🙁 but I guess that is how it goes sometimes.

    Loved this post !

  8. Yes totally. Life happens. Sometimes people grow apart and have nothing left in common anymore. Its so sad but it also makes room for new friendships and experiences!

    xoxo Christie
    http://icanstyleu.com/blog/

  9. Katie says:

    We have this conversation at work all the time! But I’m all about relishing in the moment and loving the friendships we’re in at the time for sure.

  10. Amy Blake says:

    friendships can be hard work, it’s really hard to maintain them as you get older.

  11. This is such a lovely, heartfelt post and by coincidence I wrote a post fairly similar a couple of weeks ago. I think we forget sometimes that as we grow and evolve as individuals, so do relationships and friendships. Some endure and others don’t- and that’s not a failure, it’s life!

  12. Yes! Some friendships are meant to last for only a period of time. Life takes you in different directions, sometimes. But I’ve also found that some friendships can be rekindled and that’s always fun, too.

  13. Thena says:

    As I’ve gotten older, friendships have faded. But I’ve also gained new ones along the way too!

  14. jhilmil says:

    You know the life, different paths, kids, marriage, and this all fades the beautiful friends as we continue to move on. But still some of the friends remain in the heart and are still approachable even if we connect with them once a year!

  15. Susanna Swan says:

    I was actually thinking about this today; it’s amazing how certain friends you grow up with, or you grow with and go through big life changes with. And then 10 years on, they might not be in your life anymore. I look at these relationships as fleeting in the first place; people come and go as they’re destined to. Each person imprints a little something in us, in our lives and when “their work” is done, they go. Some are supposed to be there to support you through your whole life, some just to wreak havoc and test your strength. But each of them have their place.

  16. Gayathri says:

    Handling friendships when we are adults is really difficult, right? We like our friends from different spheres and they don’t even overlap. I totally agree with your article. I love it.

  17. Jojo Hua says:

    I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to let go of old things. I’m quite sentimental like that. I struggled too letting go of my childhood best friend. But friendship is something that cannot be forced and it’s also a two-way street. If the other person doesn’t want the friendship anymore, then no matter what you do, you can’t make them stay. It’s sad but I have come to terms with it now.

  18. This is something that has been on my mind for a long time! I’m constantly thinking about who I am as a friend and who I consider to be a friend. I have a couple friends that I’ve know my whole life, yet I don’t think we’re in that space anymore. Sometimes it feel like we have nothing in common. So I’m trying to decide what to do about it and how to move forward. This article really helps me to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. By the way, this also applies to family!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *