As I get older, my anxiety has grown heavier and heavier. Taking up more and more of my day than I would like. It’s something that I struggle to get a grasp on and there is no lie when people say it’s crippling. You literally feel like you can’t breathe, you’re winded, nauseated and confused. You feel like you can’t get out. You’re not particularly trapped anywhere, but you think you are. You run things over in your head a hundred times, trying to figure it out. With little to not recourse. It’s really a horrid place to be.
The source of my anxiety spreads vastly, but my top pain points are, my health (will I get cancer?), my career (is it where I want it to be? Do I know what I want it to be?) and my future (what IS my future?). A lot also comes from society and where I think I fall in it versus where I think I should fall within it. If that makes sense.
I can’t really pinpoint when exactly this all started, and what caused it, but on looking back, I see the so very obvious anxiety traits peeking through here and there. I’ve promised myself though, that I’m going to deal with it sooner rather than later and although it’s a small start, there are a few things I’ve been doing.
I’ve started seeing someone. Just to chat. Someone who has no horse in the race and who can give me some clarity on my clouded judgments. On our first chat, she said to me “I think you’re making decisions, judgments and comparisons based on assumptions. Major, dangerous assumptions. On things you can’t possibly have fact for.” And in retrospect, she is so right.
Meditation is slowly but surely becoming something I practice everyday. I fell off the wagon pretty hard, but I’m slowly getting back on.
Keeping a small, tight-knit circle is helping way more than I assumed. Being myself around these folk without having to worry about appearances has lifted a heavy weight off of my shoulders.
Consuming positive material is helping to decrease my paranoia and pessimistic outlook on life. Yes I still love my true crime podcasts and my tidbits ever so often about local crime and politics, but I take that information in small doses without going into too much detail. I know it seems hands off and I do feel somewhat disconnected with world events, but detaching for even just a couple days really makes the world of a difference.
It’s really all by trial and error for me. I’m lucky enough to have my sweet husband who always drops a listening ear whenever I need it, because without that support I’d surely be either totally lost or up to my throat in therapy bills.
I’m slowly but surely getting a grasp of things but living an anxiety-free life continues to be a daily struggle. Choosing my battles wisely is my mantra, along with knowing that where I am today, is not my forever place. These aspirations give me some sort of comfort.
We don’t talk a lot about mental struggles around these parts, but it’s always great to chat and hear other people’s experiences. And overall, that’s why I’m here today, writing this post. So if you have anything to say at all about anxiety, anything at all, I’m all ears.
What keeps you calm and focused?
Thanks for stopping by!
P.S. some more life stuff ~ 10 simple self-care practices for everyday life and My struggle on purpose.
